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TABLE TALK 
IN THE HOME 



THE LITERARY STAFF 
Of The Institute 



MONOGRAPH OF THE 

AMERICAN INSTITUTE OF CHILD LIFE 
1714 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia 

COPYRIGHT, 1913 
AMERICAN INSTITUTE OP CHILD LIFE 



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TABLE TALK IN THE HOME. 



"In short, the first duty of a man is to speak; that is his chief business in 
this world; and talk, which is the harmonious speech of two or more, is by far 
the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money; it is all protit; it 
completes our education, founds and fosters our friendships, and can be enjoyed 
at any age and in almost any state of health." — Stevenson. 

The Possibilities of Table Talk— Some Ideals for Table Talk — Some Things to 
Be Cultivated— How to Make Table Talk Effective— Good Table Talk, to be 
Effective, Must be Prearranged — Subjects for Table Talk: Things Seen — 
People Met — Things Read — Famous Events or Incidents — Reminiscences — 
Novels and Plays Summarized — Hobbies — Travel Talk — Humanitarian 
Movements — Civics — Humor — Games Played at Table — Some Results — 
References. 

In many modern families the longest consecutive time the members 
spend together is at the table. The dinner especially has become in 
most American households living in cities the one place where all the 
members assemble. But often the hours at this one meeting-place are 
wasted or even worse and, instead of constituting happy memories, 
actually leave unhappy ones. 

Meal time is a unique social and moral opportunity to children. "It 
is not the child of six who sits at the table and listens," says Dr. Colin 
A. Scott, "it is a human spirit, eager, curious and wondering, sur- 
rounded by mysteries, willingly taking in what it does not understand 
to-day, but which will take possession of it next year and become a 
torch to light it on its way. It is through association of older people 
that these fructifying ideas come to the child; it is through such talk 
that he finds the world he is to possess." 

The children are not the only ones who are capable of gaining 
something from tabic talk. Even parents can learn from the inter- 
change of ideas. Socrates used to clear up the minds of young people 
by asking them apparently simple yet ingenious questions, but it has 
been suggested that he got his reward in clearing up his own mind by 
listening to their answers. The trouble with books containing collec- 
tions of the table talk of famous men is that such talk was not really 
conversation but monologue. It implied a listening audience. But as 
Carlyle once said, "To sit still and be pumped into "is never an exhilarat- 
ing process." The family table is a place where the wisest can learn 
and where the most foolish can sometimes teach. The old adage, "Chil- 
dren should be seen and not heard," ought really to be reversed. Chil- 
dren should be both seen and heard. 'Unless they are seen bv and see 
wise people, how can they become w?se and unless they can be heard, 
how can they have their fallacies ex'posed ? 

The Possibilities of Table Talk. 

The possibilities of table talk in the nurture of children are well- 
nigh unlimited. "There is," says Dr. Scott, "no educational oppor- 
tunity in the home more important than the talk at table. There are 
homes in which the very atmosphere makes for wide knowledge of life, 
for generous aims, for citizenship in the world, as well as in the locality 



(g;CI,A3602y2 



in which the home stands. Teachers in schools and colleges find the 
widest differences in the range of information and the quality of intel- 
ligence of the boys and girls who come to them. Some children bring 
a store of knowledge and sound tastes with them ; there are some who 
have had no cultivation of any sort, are ignorant of everything save 
the few subjects which they have been compelled to study and have no 
personal acquaintance with books or art or nature or the large affairs 
of the world. They have absorbed nothing, for there has been nothing 
to absorb; all that they know has been poured into them. The for- 
tunate children have grown up in association with men and women of 
general intelligence, have heard them talk and lived among their 
books." 

One of the most attractive forms of culture which comes from 
table talk is the ability to talk well. Those who cannot talk are in the 
danger expressed by Lord Bacon's pungent phrase, of "suffering their 
thoughts to pass in smother." "Really good talk," says Arthur C. 
Benson in his essay on "Conversation," "is one of the greatest pleasures 
there is, and yet how rarely one comes across it! If people would 
only look upon conversation in a more serious light how much would 
be gained. I mean that the more seriously one takes an amusement, 
the more amusing it becomes. What I wish is that people would apply 
the same sort of seriousness to talk that they apply to golf and bridge ; 
that they should desire to improve their game, brood over their mis- 
takes, try to do better. Why is it that so many people would think it 
priggish and effeminate to try to improve their talk and yet think it 
manly and rational to try to shoot better?" It is safe to say that not 
only ease in conversation but the alertness and variety which indicate 
an interesting mind are developed more by a course of years of worth- 
while conversation in the home in childhood than by any other means. 
Is not one of the finest tests of a man's intelligence the fact that one 
could look forward to an all-day's ride on a train with him with equa- 
nimity and even with anticipation? The men whom one does not 
exhaust in the first hour of talk are not necessarily wiser than others. 
They are those who have had practice in conversing with their friends 
upon interesting matters. We may perhaps go so far in appreciating 
the great intellectual value of conversation to our children as to agree 
with DeQuincey when he said that talk is "an organ for absolutely 
creating another mode of power." If table talk can arm young people 
with new forces for life, it is certainly worth while. 

The correct table manners of a child which arc unaffected and 
dependable and not mere "company manners" are. it is safe to say, 
not so much the result of unwearied drill by a mother as they are the 
characteristic of a child who has sat at a table where he has learned 
courtesy by imitation and where the intellectual talk has caused the 
mere appliances of handling the food to fall into their proper and 
minor places. Still even here skilful devices are appropriate, and meal 
time may be made the best as well as the most agreeable place for 
forming beautiful behavior. We have asked some of the mothers who 
are members of the Institute to tell us some of these homely devices. 

One mother uses imitativeness in the following way: "Belonging 
to the great throng of people who do not have a nursery or a trained 
governess for our little folks, I've found it makes the meal time pass 
more pleasantly for children and grown-ups for them to have their own 



little table in the dining room. They arrange flowers, in fact, set their 
table 'just like Mamma's' with their own baby cups, plates, etc. The 
chairs they sit in are comfortable. My impression is that they behave 
far better for the reason that they are more comfortable at their 
own table than they are at ours. Therefore, much of the grown-ups' 
fault-findings and corrections are eliminated, which is ever to be 
desired." 

A number of mothers known to the writer begin by having the 
children in for dessert only, of which of course they are very fond, 
and thus they test their good manners only during those favorable 
moments when they are enjoying themselves. Later, they come for the 
whole meal. 

Another mother uses the following most ingenious plan, the value 
of which is that the children treat each other as guests and reprove each 
other in the third person without giving offence : 

"The old expression 'Children should be seen and not heard' has 
not been a law in our home. Our little ones have been allowed to con- 
verse at meal time and that, too, when guests are present. Our boy who 
is delicate has been inclined, as Charles Dickens said, to 'bolt his food.' 
So we urged him to take part in the conversation, to avoid hasty eat- 
ing, and thereby aiding his impaired digestion. 

"When alone with my charges I found a habit growing on me of 
saying, 'Don't this' and 'Don't that,' when the little ones were careless 
with food or knife and fork. To avoid this, I hit upon a plan to let 
each child represent a distinguished person, and observe closely and 
then report after the meal who made mistakes, the offender forfeiting 
as many bonbons. You have no idea how careful they were and how 
much pleasure we derived from the 'game.' Of course, our table was as 
carefully arranged as though father or guests were present. It was real 
funny one day when 'President and Mrs. Taft' and 'Ex-President 
Roosevelt' were the personages — and 'baby Stuart' said, 'Oh, Mama, 
Mr. Roosevelt made a blunder.' " 

But talk trains in morals as well as in manners. Says Stevenson, 
"Talk has none of the freezing immunities of the pulpit. It cannot, 
even if it would, become merely aesthetic or merely classical like litera- 
ture. A jest intervenes, the solemn humbug is dissolved in laughter, 
and speech runs forth out of the contemporary groove into the open 
fields of nature, cheery and cheering, like schoolboys out of school." 
"In such a frame as this" who can help getting more human and kindly? 

Some Ideals for Table Talk. 

The family table ought to be the Round Table in daily life. It is 
the place to which all should always bring their best. The table should 
be set and the talk should be keyed as if for guests. If the greatest 
Host who ever sat at earthly tables set apart a common meal and left 
it to be the chief sacrament, it must have been His intention that the 
common meal everywhere and always should be held sacred. 

One of the ideals of table talk is that there should always be a 
certain largeness about the family conversation. Genial Professor 
Mahaffy reminds us that "the weather is almost invariably the first 
pawn to be moved. This method of opening the game seems, however, 
so stale that every sensible person should have some paradox or heresy 

4 



ready whereby he may break through this idle skirmishinf^ and make 
the people about him begin to think as soon as possible." Largeness 
implies, too, the avoidance of constant remarks and comment upon 
food. Complaint of this kind, which is so constant a habit in so many 
homes as to be almost unconscious, is a (^ood cause for dyspepsia and 
is a bad example as well as a bad habit. This also implies the avoidance 
of personalities on the part of either children or parents, in telling tales 
about teachers, fellow-pupils, neighbors, or of quarrels or disagreeable 
contact with friends. It implies the avoidance of any unkindly or 
thoughtless remarks about anybody. De Quincey once said that "more 
will be done for the benefit of conversation by the simple magic of good 
manners (that is chiefly by a system of forbearance) than ever was or 
can be done by all varieties of intellectual power assembled upon the 
same arena. Intellectual graces of the highest order may perish and 
confound each other w-hen exercised in a spirit of ill-temper; whereas 
very humble powers may accomplish their purpose." How acute was 
the great essayist in reminding us that the best part of good manners 
is forbearance, that is, not so much graceful ways of doing things 
as kindly ways of refraining from saying or doing that which is 
ungentle. 

"Quite apart from instinct," says Professor Mahafify, "an experi- 
enced man who is going to tell a story which may have too much point 
for some of those present, will look round and consider each member of 
the party, and if there be a single stranger there whose views are not 
familiar to him, he will forego the pleasure of telling the story rather 
than make the social mistake of hurting even one of the guests." 

Another ideal for table talk is cheerfulness. This means that 
father's business troubles and frets and worries, business mechanics 
or details, which can have no possible general interest to the uninitiated 
and which only indicate selfish absorption on his part, have no place at 
table. It means that the mother's household worries and cares, her 
differences with the servants, the petty details of household life, over- 
plus of work and troublesomeness of children, are not to be brought to 
the common meal. This also means that remarks at table about per- 
sonal faults or peculiarities of habit, mannerisms, etc., of those present 
are to be avoided. It is a good general rule that nobody is ever to be 
pointed out or scolded at table and that disagreeable decisions, espe- 
cially as regards the pleasures of the evening, are never to be made 
or announced at that time. 

In a certain American home, described by a writer in the Mothers' 
Magazine, a pleasant custom was inaugurated by the parents while 
the two daughters and son were quite young. Said the mother to them : 

"A day started right is good until night. Now to breakfast here- 
after everyone must bring a happy thought, and after grace is said, 
and before eating, repeat it." 

"Will you bring a happy thought, mama?" 

"Certainly." 

"And papa?" 

"Of course, he will." 

The children took to the idea with great glee. Their "happy" 
thoughts would be something to talk about and then there was always 
the anticipation of what father and mother would have to say. The 
mother said that the first morning the experiment was made the 



youngest child sat looking at her plate until her turn to speak came. 
Then she shyly looked up, gave her parents a quick glance, and said : 
'T love you." 

One of the ideas of this custom was to have brought to the table 
a series of pleasing thoughts — pleasing to the possessor, cheering to 
the listener. Good old Chaucer wrote in early English days : 

"Ye stomache an soulle be mightilie blessed whiche hathe wit an 
cheere at ye tabble." 

The same writer tells of an English family that has always begun 
each meal with a song. No matter how few or many may be at home 
when the dining hour arrives all stand at the table and a single verse of 
a favorite song is sung. "I have gone to that table in a very depressed 
mood and by the time the song was ended had my entire view of things 
changed. In this family, the children, young and grown, are remark- 
ably cheerful. They have an optimistic way of looking at things, and 
I attribute much of this to the cheer that is kept uppermost at the table 
from the beginning of the song to the end of the last dish." 

A father who finds it possible to be at home for every meal of 
the day makes it a practice to cherish in his memory all the bright 
things he hears during his work. After the meal begins, a twinkle 
comes into his eyes and a smile hovers on his lips. This is the signal 
that he is ready to make others feel as good as he does. I have never 
heard any member of this family complain of indigestion. Biliousness 
is a stranger to the family. 

One dear old lady who has reared a large family made it an early 
practice to read all the wholesome jokes she could find in current lit- 
erature — funny things and kindly things about little and great people 
she would absorb during her daily work. Other members of the fam- 
ily were busy and would miss these, but at meal time they could count 
on a treat from mother. A smile has always been present at that table, 
creating harmony between the individuals and radiating good-will 
toward life and all human beings. 

An employer I know is a steam-engine worker. His place in the 
firm is important, and he gives twelve hours of driving work each 
day to his tasks. But there is one thing he will not do. He will not 
neglect his table. Breakfast, noon lunch and evening dinner are spe- 
cial cases of rejoicing for him. Business talk is tabooed, cares of 
work are rolled to one side, only the biggest and best of life is con- 
sidered. His children reflect his spirit in this respect. They call meal 
time "the laughing hour." 

No wonder that man can work happily nor that his children are 
overflowing with hopefulness and helpfulness. 

"Good food and sweet, laughing conversation at the table," wrote 
Charles Dickens, "are mutual inspirations for a better life." 

Another ideal for table talk is that it should be sociable. This 
implies that everybody is cheerfully willing, as the saying is, "to keep 
up an end." However indisposed to talk one mav feel, however 
unpromising one's companions may seem, the dinner hour is a time to 
forget oneself, to try to see the best in others and to summon what- 
ever humor, quickness, natural charm and sympathy are attainable, 
even if the efifort be considerable. Tell a joke at table every morning. 
Dr. Gulick advises a misanthrope, even if it hurts you. And he adds : 
"It won't hurt vou." 



One might almost paraphrase the command of the af)ostle: If 
any man will not talk, neither let him eat. And whoever is present, 
remember Professor Mahaffy's just remark: '*If you find the com- 
pany dull, blame yourself." 

One more ideal for table talk is, that it should be instructive. 
People who would scorn to appear in a negligee toilet at table will 
utter conversation that is slipshod, vulgar or empty at table. The 
home in which the talk is planned to instruct the children is not a 
mere garden where birds and dogs and children play together, but an 
institution of dignity and value in the training of immortal spirits. 

If table talk is to be all these, it must preserve a happy mean. 
It should rise above the aimlessness of which De Quincey spoke, "the 
vast tennis court of conversation where the ball is flying backwards 
and forwards with no purpose forever," and yet not be dull or deep ; 
"turning up," as Stevenson has suggested, "a. large surface of life, 
rather than digging mines into geological strata." It should not often 
be what he called "the heroic form of gossip," discussion on morals. 
Better than these is "a strain of graceful gossip, singing like the fire- 
side kettle," "that kind of talk which is merely luminous and restful, 
a higher power of silence, the quiet of the evening shared by ruminating 
friends." 

Some Things to Be Cultivated. 

There are at least three things to be cultivated through table talk. 

One is the power to converse well. We have already spoken of 
the value of this. 

Another is the power to listen well. We are all familiar with 
those who are in talk what Stevenson called "piratic" and Mahaffy 
"social bullies." To be a good conversationalist implies the ability to 
listen intelligently as well as to talk intelligently. This is a very impor- 
tant trait. The ability to be interested is of incalculable value through 
life. It means the willingness to share good ideas with others, not to 
monopolize the floor to the exclusion of others, not to talk so loudly 
and continually as to miss listening when something good has been 
said ; it means the ability to draw others out and to gain the best 
which each one has to give. That this capacity is not only a means 
of culture, but also a trait of unfailing charm, goes almost without 
saying. 

Another thing to be cultivated is the opportunity through table 
talk of making good ideals contagious. While the wise parent never 
lectures at table, he often opens up topics for family discussion as 
the result of which some child gains from the public sentiment of the 
family a new view of his own conduct. The table is a good place 
to praise if not to blame. It is well to save up pleasant words for such 
an occasion, so that all the family may hear the approval which it is 
w^ell to speak of the conduct of some individual. There is no doubt 
that the continued expression of good ideals called forth in turn by 
the news of the day, the events of the neighborhood or the opinions 
of those at table proves in the course of years to be a character-build- 
ing influence when preaching and lecturing would have been forgot- 
ten. This must have been the "here a little and there a little," which 
the writer of the Proverbs assured men was worth while. 



How TO Make Table Talk Effective. 

In order to have fruitful talk at table the atmosphere must be 
favorable. The setting of the table, the lights and the service should 
all be of the quality to suggest that there are guests present, for our 
children are, as a Scotchman has said, "guests from God." The child 
is not allowed to come to the table with clothing dirty or awry, not only 
for his own sake, but because he makes the table less beautiful for the 
rest. Nobody should be allowed to read at table unless the reading is 
for the benefit of all. In short, it is not a place for individualism of any 
sort. Whoever will not be agreeable had better eat alone. It should 
be understood that when a child has been sent away from the table it 
is not so much as a punishment to him as for the relief of the rest. 

Good Table Talk to be Guaranteed Must be Pre-arranged. 

"The beginning," says Professor Mahaffy, "is evidently the diffi- 
culty, and surely here, if anywhere, people who have no natural facility 
should think out some way of opening the conversation, just as chess 
players have agreed upon several formal openings in their game." It 
is a good idea to have a definite plan and program for the family 
conversation which is carried out every day. Such pre-arrangement 
may seem a trifle stilted at first, but a group of people working together 
with a common interest in view soon outgrow this phase and enter 
into the scheme with a keenness and enjoyment which quickly obviate 
this first embarrassment. Such pre-arrangement implies a leader. This 
leader may be a parent or one of the children. "What is really needed," 
says Mr. Benson, "is a kind of moderator of the talk, a sort of president. 
He should, so to speak, sort of kick-off. And then he should feel or at 
least simulate an interest in others' point of view. He should ask ques- 
tions, reply to arguments, encourage, elicit expressions of opinion. He 
should not desire to steer his own course, but follow the line the talk 
happens to take." Such informal chairmanship by a "symposiarch," as 
the Greeks called him, is especially especially helpful to the older chil- 
dren. It prevents them from teasing the younger ones, it makes them 
more thoughtful and unselfish and it helps them to realize their respon- 
sibility as examples. 

In some households there is some kind of informal organization. 
It may even have a constitution and rules. The family constitutes a 
club. This club holds its meetings chiefly at table. Here are talked 
over the proposed activities, improvements of organization and new 
plans. Sometimes a box is kept upon the center of the table for the 
reception of fines for indulgence in slang, misuse of English or mis- 
placement of clothing and other articles. Father and mother are 
included as well as the children in this fining system. The whole 
thing is carried on in a playful way and the fine fund is utilized for 
some form of pleasure for all. 

In one of our Institute homes a positive method of encouraging 
contributions to the pleasure and profit of all has been worked out as 
follows : 

"A notebook and boxes of small stars, gold, silver and red, are at 
mother's place at table. As interesting topics are suggested and dis- 
cussed, stars of corresponding brilliance are annexed to the names of 
those contributing. The change this apparently slight incentive has 



created in our 'wailing post' has been very encouraging, and we have by 
no means attained the high ideal which would be possible in many 
homes. However, like the astrologers of old, we are pressing forward 
hopefully, reading untold promise in the future. 

"The children watch their daily records eagerly, for experience 
has taught that delightful privileges are granted the possessor of a 
certain number of stars. Five gold stars recently admitted an embryo 
engineer to the Panama Canal travelogue. Later, for well-expressed 
observations of the entertainment, he received a gold star or its equiva- 
lent, two silver or four red stars. Little Mary's starry pathway led 
her to Bonny Scotland. Likewise she received later a gold star for 
telling at table what she liked best in the travelogue. We have found 
that the reticent high school lad can develop into quite a star conversa- 
tionalist when he realizes that a long-coveted football or tennis racket 
is at the end of a splendid astral record. Father and mother also enter 
into the spirit of the scheme, laughingly receiving stars for worthy 
contributions. We often introduce musical numbers on the Victrola, 
rewarding the quick-eared youngster who recognizes the selection and 
composer. To-day a small maiden requested a red star for guessing 
the 'Flying Dutchman,' 'Because,' she said, 'you know the sails of his 
ship were red as blood.' The story of the opera followed, rewarded by 
a gold star. 

"There is opportunity for unlimited variety, the children frequently 
asking what subject they may look up to gain a star. Good stories, 
questions of the day and current events are encouraged, even the baby 
must have the privilege of gaining a star by telling what mother has 
read to him, or lisping a beautiful quotation. Recently one of the chil- 
dren had been required to learn portions of a chapter on Self-control 
as a punishment for losing his temper. By making the thoughts his 
own, and giving them to others at table, he was accorded a gold star, 
thus sealing the lesson. 

"All this may seem childish to many parents who, however, see 
nothing childish in the figure of Uncle Sam solemnly marking each 
onward stride of his family, by pasting a new star on our flag. From 
the personal experience of many weeks I can say that, highly as I prize 
our national emblems, more precious by far are these symbols of the 
daily individual progress of one's family. And it is this thought which 
has encouraged me to write, — the thought, also, that possibly the 'little 
star' might become the symbol of hope to even one mother who has 
been, as I was, often disheartened." 

One of the best ways to make table talk profitable is by welcoming 
guests. Here is the opportunity by which the children may do one of 
the three things which Edward Everett Hale said that everybody ought 
to do every day, — namely, touch shoulders with some one that knows 
more than themselves. While the appointments and service of the 
table should not dififer materially when guests are present, there is one 
thing which should always be done in advance. Every guest has some- 
thing to give. The parent should notify the children in advance what 
this expected contribution may be. While the natural and unaffected 
conversation of children in the presence of guests is always pleasant, 
they should not be allowed to babble when they would better listen. 
Even the unpleasant guest may drop pearls from his mouth. Cross 
Aunt Eliza has just returned from Egypt or deaf old Mrs. Simpson 

9 



used to live in a wonderful old-fashioned house in the country and the 
children should be encouraged to draw forth the things that are worth 
knowing and remembering. 

"If, on the contrary," Professor Mahaffy reminds us, "we meet a 
man of acknowledged mental superiority, whether generally or in his 
special department, it is our social duty by intelligent questioning, by 
an anxiety to learn from him, to force him to condescend to our 
ignorance, or join in our fun, till his broader sympathies are awakened, 
and he plays with us as if we were his children. Indeed this very 
metaphor points out one of the very remarkable instances of social 
equality asserted by an inferior — I mean the outspoken freedom of the 
child — which possesses a peculiar charm, and often thaws the dignity 
or dissipates the reserve of the great man and woman whose superiority 
is a perpetual obstacle to them in ordinary society." 

Subjects for Table Talk. 

In some families it has seemed wise to go so far as to adopt an 
actual weekly program for conversation, to arrange either that the talk 
should be led in turn on successive mornings or evenings by different 
members of the family or that definite topics which individuals have 
asked for should be taken up in turn. This adds a zest to appetite and 
where people are living large full lives tends to make their reading and 
thinking more definite. The suggestions that follow are as to possibili- 
ties in the range of topics to be brought to the attention of a family 
where there are children. Each of these implies some forethought on 
the part of the parents and the reader will recognize as he reads those 
which suggest what the nature of that forethought will be. 

Things Seen. 

"There is," says Charles Dudley Warner in his "Backlog Studies," 
"no entertainment so full of quiet pleasure as hearing a lady of cultiva- 
tion and refinement relate her day's experiences in her daily round of 
calls, charitable visits, shopping, errands of relief and calls of condo- 
lence. I do not mean gossip by any means or scandal. A woman of 
culture skims over that like a bird, never touching it with the tip of 
a wing. What she brings home is the freshness and brightness of life. 
She touches everything so daintily, she hits oflf a character in a sentence, 
she gives the pith of a dialogue without tediousness, she mimics without 
vulgarity ; her narrative sparkles, but it does not sting. The picture of 
her day is full of vivacity, and it gives new value and freshness to 
common things." Of course, the experiences which are brought home 
by the father may be even more unique and interesting. The children 
also have their fresh angle upon life and soon learn t6 imitate their 
parents in habits of observation, of humorous relation and of acute 
detail. Some of the themes which the day's work suggest are these: in 
riding by trolley or elevated train, many incidents of people coming and 
going, pretty hats and dresses, interesting conversation, curious char- 
acters, foreigners or distinguished people. Looking in shop windows, 
there are the artistic arrangements and the new fashions. In the 
market, mother notices the fresh vegetables and fruits, their beauty of 
color and the facts about them as told by the grocer or marketman. 
Father in the office has had a letter with a foreign post-mark, in the 

ID 



shop has received a new invoice of goods from a foreign country, in the 
factory has installed a w^onderful new machine or has seen a fine piece 
of handwork turned out. In the country or the parks there are the 
interesting things about Nature : the migration of birds, the blooming of 
flowers, indications of the change of the seasons or such special features 
as birds' nests, the ant hills, the habits of birds or animals. Comment 
upon a single incident in Nature often leads to watching and special 
reports from time to time. Some of you remember the record which 
was kept in that delightful story, "The Loves of Pelleas and Etarre." 

March 9th. Robin. Pelleas. 

March loth. Blue-bird. Etarre. 

March 12th. Phoebe. Etarre. 

Note: The earliest we have seen in five years. 

March i6th. Geese (flying). Pelleas. 

March 21st. Song Sparrow. Pelleas. 

March 21st. Meadow Lark. Pelleas. 

Note : Not perfectly certain. Nearly so. 
April 5th. House Wren. Etarre. 

Note: Did not see it. Heard it. 
April 1 2th. High Holder. Etarre. 

April 14th. Sparrow Hawk. Pelleas. 

Note : May have been a pigeon hawk. 
April 29th. Rose breasted Grosbeaks (pair). Etarre and Pelleas. 

It is a good idea to shoot forth a question suggested by some- 
thing that has been seen and leave it with the children to think of or 
look up, referring to it again a day or two later. The following sample 
questions immediately suggest to the reader the item of observation 
which called them forth. 

What is the largest star you can see to-night? 

Why are two stars in the Dipper called pointers ? 

What color are crows' eggs ? 

What use are crows to farmers ? 

How does a dog know a stranger? 

What are some of the pets kept by sailors in our navy ? 

Does a bird ever sail with his tail toward the wind? 

How can you tell an oak tree? 

Why is salt water not good for plants ? 

What makes us sneeze? 

What is the purpose of holes in the young bark of a tree ? 

Why does a duck never get wet ? 

Another kind of questions may be propounded which have no direct 
connection with immediate observation, but which are thought-starters. 
Such are these: 

What makes a bee hum? 

Does a tadpole know he will lose his tail? 

Where are a frog's ears? 

How did a pig nearly cause a war? 

How did we get the umbrella? 

Why will a rug smother a fire ? 

II 



What should you do in case of fire at our house? 

How do West Point cadets do honor to the flag? 

An Institute mother finds "thought-starters" naturally, in this way : 

"If the rolls of bread are especially nice, we often take a grain of 
wheat and follow it from the time when it was a little 'seed baby' until 
it comes to us in different forms (bread, rolls, or cake), and how 
dependent we are upon each other, and how we are all dependent upon 
God. 

"Or sometimes we take the table and chairs and trace them from 
the time they were 'great trees' in the forest until they come to us. 

"Marjory going to school, we talk about the 'happy' things that 
happened at school and leave the little troubles (which to them are very 
great) until bedtime when the lights are out. That is the time we have 
our little talks 'all alone.' " 

The experiences of the day in school ought to be called for every 
night, for the sake of the knowledge of the parents as well as the 
memory of the child. Often many misapprehensions as to the attitude 
of the teacher, influences resulting from the code of the school-ground 
or projects emanating from a foolish companion may be thus promptly 
and pleasantly corrected. 

People Met. 

Oftentimes in his business relations a father meets people who 
have something of interest to offer in the exchange of ideas : people of 
different nationalities, from different parts of our own country or who 
reveal curious parts of their own history. To cultivate this sort of 
genial interest in the folks one passes by is to awaken a steady in- 
terest in people and to develop a habit of kindly helpfulness in 
growing boys and girls which makes for a large humanity in after 
years. Of such Stevenson said : "Others in conversation seek rather 
contact with their fellow-men than increase of knowledge or clarity of 
thought. The drama, not the philosophy, of life is the sphere of their 
intellectual activity. Even when they pursue truth, they desire as much 
as possible of what we may call human scenerv along the road they 
follow. They dwell in the heart of life; the blood sounding in their 
ears, their eyes laying hold of what delights them with an avidity that 
makes them blind to all besides, their interest riveted on people, living, 
loving, talking, tangible people." This, too, will awaken a general 
interest in community life, — policemen, motormen, street cleaners, men 
at the railroad crossings, girls behind the counter. Often one runs 
across bits of poignant experience and gains the picturesque back- 
ground of these lives. The ability to draw out such Ijits of human life 
and to relate them gives one a rich fund for thought and conversation. 
It cultivates the literary as well as the humane sense. Manv of our 
best magazine articles are written from just such simple incidents of 
human life. 

Things Read. 

A daily newspaper if brought to the table should not selfishly be 
hoarded by one, but shared by all. Happy is the father who has the 
ability thus to interpret the news of the day. His biographer says of 
Horace Bushnell : "At breakfast the daily paper became through him 

12 



the epitome of the world to us all. He brought to the reading all his 
resources, gave his thought on social philosophy ; his knowledge of 
geography, chemistry and geology ; his love of adventure, of mechanics, 
of architecture, and of engineering in its various branches ; and throw- 
ing his own light on every subject evolved from the daily telegrams a 
fascinating panoramic view of the world's life for the past twenty- 
four hours. Under his magic insight the most commonplace events 
assumed an unlooked-for meaning, and took their place in relation to 
all other events and histories. He had no unrelated facts." Gerald 
Stanley Lee says that a daily newspaper is "the background of the 
world," and that "reading a morning paper is one of the supreme acts 
of presence of mind in a human life." No doubt an intelligent father 
could, if he would, give his children a liberal education out of the 
allusions and history, geography, science and discovery which are 
suggested in his morning journal. 

What the children have read or studied in school is also a good 
topic for table talk. Here is a chance to straighten out many mis- 
conceptions, to give an interest to a hated subject, to stimulate search 
in a new direction, in ways which should make wearied school teachers 
grateful. 

Famous Events or Incidents. 

A period in history might be taken for a month and once a week 
devoted to the relation of interesting facts connected with it, or anni- 
versaries might be observed by contributions of special information 
from different members of the family, or countries selected concerning 
the events in which chosen members of the family should be called 
upon from time to time to report. 

Reminiscences. 

Children seldom seem to tire of reminiscences from the past, and 
no doubt they get a more interested view of history from such personal 
experiences than from textbooks. Happy is the home in which abides 
an old person who brings down the traditions of an earlier time. It 
is especially helpful to that form of family pride which implies noblesse 
oblige, if through such reminiscences of brave and true ancestors or 
pictures of pioneer struggles the children can come to determine never 
to do dishonor to their clan. 

Novels and Plays Summarized. 

The power to tell the story of a good novel in a condensed and 
interesting way is a great art and the discussion of such characters as 
are famous and important in a book will prove invaluable. To tell what 
parts of the book one likes best and why is to cultivate the power of 
critical judgment. To tell why a character is admirable or otherwise 
and just why it makes its appeal to one is a great help in the formation 
of sound judgments of character and high ideals. Many children will 
be allured to the reading of good books if they get a taste of them thus 
through hearsay and no exercise could be more profitable than for a 
child to endeavor to summarize what he has just read himself. It is 
similarly difficult and worth while to be able to condense the story of a 
play which has been seen. Parents, of course, should alwavs know the 
character of the plays which their children attend. The discussion of 

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what has been seen at table serves to correct false or evil impressions, 
to put the parent upon his guard, or to develop the taste for that which 
is good. 

Hobbies. 

This should make an interesting and diverting theme for conversa- 
tion every once in a while. Usually every member of a family circle 
has a hobby horse which he rides. "The first and best receipt to make 
a man agreeable is to make him talk about what he likes best," says 
Mahaffy, and Hazlitt, emphasizing enthusiasm, adds of a talker: "If 
a person liked anything, if he took snuff heartily, it was sufficient." 

We are too often busy over our own affairs to make room for the 
interests of other people. Some of us parents have been amazed to 
listen to the animated and intelligent conversation of some child of ours 
whose predominant interest has been discovered or evolved by a casual 
guest. The family circle should be indulgent enough to be willing to 
listen to each others' hobbies. 

Travel Talk, 

Nothing can prove more delightful to people who must stay at 
home than interesting conversation about other countries chosen as the 
topic of table talk. The writer knows of two women, disappointed for 
many years in their desire to travel through England, who spent a 
summer in an imaginary tour through that countr\% giving several days 
(at table) to each place and even going so far as to date their letters 
from the imaginary place concerning which they were talking. 

Humanitarian Movements. 

There should be room occasionally at table, perhaps as a result of 
suggestions in the day's news, for conversation about betterment move- 
ments in the community, such as playgrounds, the Boy Scouts, the Camp 
Fire Girls or the Big Brother Movement, the Y. M. C. A. or the nearest 
Social Settlement, etc. If children could know these movements from 
the personal and human side they would later in life have a more intelli- 
gent and loyal devotion to them. 

Civics. 

Similarly, topics which concern the public welfare of the city or 
village and the family's personal relationship thereto should came up 
once in a while. Some questions such as these should be propounded : 

How can we help care of the city streets ? 

What can we do to help provide safer amusements for young 
people ? 

Are we using the school buildings as much as we might? 

How far are we responsible for specific social conditions in our 
city or neighborhood? 

The kind of moving picture shows we have here: what good and 
what harm results from them? 

How about our theaters? 

Humor. 

To bring all the wholesome humor which is possible to the table is 
an excellent means of whetting the appetite. To tell a story well and to 

14 



the point and in true dramatic fashion is a rare gift and the home table 
is a good place to "try it out on." If a child has told a good story well, 
he should be complimented upon it and that story should be regarded 
as his own proprietorship for future use in the home. Everybody 
should be glad and good-natured when any child succeeds in working 
a good "sell" on the rest of the household. Good jokes and truly funny 
stories are a wholesome ofT-set for vulgar and pernicious jokes, which 
are usually told for lack of the refined power of selection by young 
people. It is as important to develop a good taste in jokes in a child as 
it is a good taste in art, for what a child laughs at and what a child 
admires are very closely related. The fact that the kind of humor 
which appeals to a little child is not especially enjoyable to the adult 
intelligence should not prevent the youngsters from being allowed to 
contribute their quota. 

We might fairly classify under humor a method of instruction 
used in one family connected with the Institute. The father was some- 
what concerned over the son, of seven, who is a precocious boy, but 
who, apparently for lack of interest or attention, cannot spell. This is 
his effective method of cure : 

"Each meal we teach our boy one word, — either its definition or 
its correct spelling. Usually the word is brought to our attention by 
something directly or indirectly connected with the meal. (To try to 
teach more than one word would not be wise, for reasons digestive, 
etc.) For example, he is fond of cake. After being taught the spelling, 
he could get a piece only by spelling. He knows it now, backwards!" 

Games Played at Table. 

It is often a pleasant diversion for people to play games at table, 
especially toward the close of the meal. The game of "Twenty Ques- 
tions" is familiar and good. Telling a story in sections, demanding that 
the next take up the point left off and continue, is good exercise. 
Guessing games, describing some familiar or famous event or scene, are 
instructive. Guessing riddles or conundrums is a great diversion and 
sharpens wits. An original game was invented by one motherly soul 
to teach children good manners and to avoid the nagging habit of inces- 
santly calling attention to the lapses of others during the meal. After 
dinner was over, a short time was given occasionally during which 
each one in turn was allowed to imitate any wrong table manners which 
he had observed in someone else at the table, and then the guessing 
as to whom the fault belonged was done by the others. The caricature 
of one's behavior made much fun and a deep impression and took all 
the sting of personal rebuke out of the situation. 

Some Results. 

Such a meal time, at morning or at noon, sends the family out 
separately with merry or loving faces to meet the burdens or respon- 
sibilities of the rest of the day. If it comes at the close of the day it 
leads to a pleasant evening. Children who enjoy such fellowship are 
not likely to be strongly attracted away from home at night. Even 
when the members of the family are obliged to be apart, they will be 
together in spirit. "* They are creating happy memories which will always 
hold them together. The problem of discipline in such households will 

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021 760 978 



never be a difficult one, where sympathy is thus continually being re- 
established. The children of such households grow up alert, interesting 
and interested, to live lives full of intelligence and charm. Truly upon 
such tables shine the high lights and at such boards is perpetually 
broken the Bread of Life. 

REFERENCES. 

The number of books directly bearing upon this topic is few. The 
following may, for various reasons, be helpful. 

The Lost Art of Conversation, 366 pp., edited with an introduction by Horatio 
S. Krans, published by Sturgis and Wahon Co., New York. 
A collection of the nine greatest essays on conversation in our language. 
These are: Of Discourse, by Francis Bacon; Conversation, by Thomas De 
Quincey; The Principles of the Art of Conversation, by J. P. Mahaffy; 
Hints Towards an Essay on Conversation, and Genteel and Ingenious Con- 
versation, by Jonathan Swift; On the Conversation of Authors, and On 
the Conversation of Lords, by William Hazlitt; Truth of Intercourse, and 
Talk and Talkers, by Robert Louis Stevenson. 

From A College Window, 365 pp., by Arthur Christopher Benson, published by 
G. P. Putnam's Sons, New York. 
Two chapters, one upon "Sociabilities" and the other upon "Conversa- 
tion" are suggestive, and the tone of this as well as of most of his delightful 
books is that of intelligent, gracious talk with friends. 

The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, various editions, by Oliver Wendell 
Holmes, published by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 

Such a romantic boarding house surely there never was on sea or land, 
even in Boston, and never was there such table talk, except from the "Auto- 
crat's" own lips. Yet the ideal is expressed here, of humor, tenderness, 
genial outlook on men and life, which has been hinted at in this paper. 

The School in the Home, 210 pp., by A. A. Berle, published by Moffat, Yard & 
Company, N. Y. 
This book emphasizes the possibilities of bringing children forward 
intellectually by means of direct and inspiring conversation in the home. 
Although table talk is not frequently referred to, it is apparent that much 
of the home education of the Berle children was accomplished at the family 
meal. Through such converse, wisely planned, the author shows how chil- 
dren may become masters of the tools of language, how their minds may be 
fertilized and organized, how the imagination may be harnessed, how intel- 
lectual ambition may be stimulated and how they may win a life-long love for 
the pleasures of the mind. 



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